Just Let A Few Things Go!!

One of the tried and true coping mechanisms of the wife of a deployed spouse is “it’s alright if you let a few things go,” meaning that ‘hey, while your plate is now twice as full it’s ok if you only wash your sheets once a month instead of once a week.’

I have really embraced this practice of “letting things go” while Ben has been away. In fact, I believe I have taken the idea to an all new high. Unfortunately, I have discovered the flaw in this, otherwise relieving concept. At some point, unless you are able to bury your pride and bow to failure, you must catch back up. The things that you ‘let go’ must be chased down and dealt with. I know what many of you are thinking…Ben won’t care if the linen closet is organized. I agree, that while Ben is an organized fella, he won’t notice if the bath towels are all folded the same way. However, as I mentioned before, I have taken the concept to a whole new level and I am pretty sure he will notice that it is impossible to walk through the garage without rock climbing gear or a hang glider.

You are correct in assuming that Ben will still adore me, even after he finds out about the things that I have ‘let go.’ He is a saintly and wonderful man, and actually might enjoy cleaning out the garage…but I on the other hand do not share all of his heaven sent qualities. If this house is not in ship shape when he comes home it will be my enormous pride that suffers. Simply put, hell will have to freeze over before I admit that I wasn’t willing or able (we won’t make that distinction) to juggle it all.

This brings me to the ‘catch up’ phase of the deployment. I have been burdened with an increasing amount of nervous anxiety, unlike any of our other long term separations, as his homecoming date approaches. I haven’t been sleeping and I have been eating everything in sight. I have tried to pass it off as ‘honeymoon jitters’ or ‘reintegration anxiety,’ oh, how I have tried. However, the truth I have been forced to face is, I have A LOT of catching up to do. Let me emphasize again, as the all-caps might not be enough…A LOT of catching up to do.

At the beginning of the week I sat down and made my list of 43 things that I needed to ‘catch up’ on before this weekend. The list was daunting. So much so, in fact, that on Monday I hid the list under my counter calendar, laid on the couch and watched reruns of NCIS and ate an entire package of Candy Cane Oreos, all day. Man, those Oreos were so awesome…but anyway…that evening I pulled out my list and was one day closer to the goal without a single check in the box. I pledged to be amazing the next morning.

After a long night of no sleeping, I met the day groggy and depressed. So much to do, so little time. At this point of the game I have to send a shout out to all of my fab friends who offered over and over to help me out. I appreciate it, truly…but then I would have to admit I needed help and there’s that whole ‘hell freezing over’ thing…so, you understand. I was on my own, and so it began. I did empty two closets of shopping bags and Christmas debris…along with washing and drying four loads of laundry. I also checked off the “Welcome Home sign” box (which was high on the priority list, as it makes me look like I ‘have it together’ to the outside world) and took a much needed nap. The list was shrinking. When I went to bed on Tuesday night I had huge aspirations for the next day.

Wednesday morning I woke up with a fever and a raging bladder infection. (Welcome home honey!) My aspirations were squashed by a doctor’s appointment and antibiotic fetching. The list remained untouched.

It’s Thursday morning, and instead of tackling my list I am writing. I am feeling much better today and actually have no excuse for not hacking away at my list. However, I have been given a reprieve of sorts, and with it a change in mindset. Ben’s arrival has been delayed. Saturday has gone from “happy reunion day” to “Andrea’s catch up day.” It makes sense, really, to just wait until the last minute to get everything done anyway. After all, with a household like this the van only stays clean for an hour or so and the leaves keep falling on the front porch and people keep eating off of the dishes, dirtying laundry and walking on the floor. One out of three times the boys will miss the toilet (and there are three of them) we are continually producing mass amounts of garbage that needs to be taken out and the dust…well that’s just a battle not worth fighting. We will dirty sheets and rumple covers the night before (believe me, my bed must look perfect) and let’s face it…the garage isn’t really THAT bad…Ben would probably enjoy cleaning it.

Does anyone have any extra Candy Cane Oreos? Have a great day!