I took my oldest to the doctor yesterday for a sore back and neck. He really has been complaining for a long time about it...about a month...so, according to my personal instruction manual entitled 'How to be a Middle of the Road Mother' and in keeping with my history of letting my children suffer with injuries before taking them to the doctor I took him yesterday.
During the exam the doctor asked him what his pain level was, on average throughout the day, on a scale of 1, being almost no pain to 10, being the worst pain ever experienced. He said 7. SEVEN!!?? 7??? Seriously?? Seven??!!
I almost punched him in front of the doctor. I don't punch my kids on a regular basis or anything but SEVEN?!! Instead I said, "Seven? Are you serious? Dude, you are nuts. Be real." The doctor actually gave me a warning stare. GULP! But COME ON...
Seven on the pain scale should be reserved for pain associated with decapitated limbs, large muscle tears, full body burns and an occasional dislocation.
This is the way my pain scale works:
#10 is reserved for the pain of the thigh bone break. Everyone says it's the most excrutiating pain known to man so I have reserved 10 for that possibility.
#9 is reserved for the pain of childbirth...also kidney stones. I hear kidney stones are pretty bad. I am not exactly sure how passing a pebble and passing an 8 lb. squirmer constitute the same number on the pain scale. I think someone was just trying to make a man feel better about his screaming and fussing but, hey...I am bowing to experience. The 8 lb. squirmer on the other hand...yeah, I am a pro.
#8 is reserved for the pain of organ implosion, like gall bladder attacks and apendicitis. I suffered from gall stones and then multiple gall bladder attacks and inevitably a gall bladder-ectomy. I will tell you...definitely an 8. Owwwwch!!
So, that brings us to #7. I am sure that some back pain is a 7. My father in law has had severe back pain, that possibly even constitutes an 8 or 9. However, I don't feel like an injury or condition warrants a 7 unless it greatly limits your normal activity...like a skull fracture or a full knee hyper-extension.
My son has not been impaired at all. He still goes to school, runs, body boards, swims, plays soccer, jumps on the trampoline, ice blocks and makes out with girls. His back is not inhibiting his activity in any way. Is it sore? Sure. Does he complain about it? Sure. Does it stop him? Not even a little bit.
So now the doctor has given me a new manual entitled 'You Are the Crappiest Mother on the Planet' and given my son muscle relaxers that make him drowsy and happy.
Maybe the kid is on to something...actually, I need to go now. My back is feeling super sore. Infact, it may actually be a seven7. I need to make a doctors appointment!!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Whooping Cough at Our House
(Written November 20, 2010)
This is what Whooping Cough looks like at our house!!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Really Attached To My New Cap!!
My brother Michael gave me a cap that belonged to my brother Aaron. He originally thought that one of my boys would like it...and they probably would have but to bad...I saw it first.
It is ratty and faded camouflage cap, covered in old patches. The look is fashion intended.
I think it would be in the vintage, destressed category.
Both of my sweaty headed brothers have been wearing this cap-ewww, brother cooties- so I washed it. Unfortunately, some of the patches on it didn't handle the wash well. They curled. I am brilliant however and pulled out my super glue, glued the patches down flat and even glued on a Dawson
name tape to personalize it. It's a super cute way to hide that fact that I never do my hair.
Anyway, I guess I didn't wait long enough before trying on my cool new cap cause I just super glued it to my head. I am so awesome!! I hope you all like my new cap, since I can't get it off!! Yeah, me!
Caramel Apple Empanadas
Ben and I went out on a fabulous date Saturday night...and we didn't go to Costco. We went to Best Buy and then Wal-mart. Whoot-whoot!! For dessert we hit up the Taco Bell drive-thru and ordered two Caramel Apple Empanadas.
Description:
A crispy golden pastry pocket filled with chunks of warm apples in creamy caramel sauce.
Description:
A crispy golden pastry pocket filled with chunks of warm apples in creamy caramel sauce.
It was a very chilly evening and we were both looking forward to the warm, melty caramel apple delight. As we drove out of the parking lot and onto the street we both bit into our empanadas. In an instant we were screaming, swerving, puffing and swatting. The caramel sauce was at near 1000 degrees and as we broke the crispy, golden, pastry seal it dribbled down both of our chins burning a path of sweet and gooey goodness. Reaction or instinct, maybe both, made us wipe the lava-like substance from our chins, searing the skin and muscle from our hands. Traffic around us blurred in a mass of honking, swearing and lights. We barely made it home alive and will forever be maimed...by the scalding decadence.
OK, so maybe I am slightly exaggerating...but not about the delisciousness of the Caramel Apple Empanada! They rock!
Luke 2 and the Grinch
(Written December 26, 2010)
The kids tree is laden with popcicle stick snowflakes and pom-poms covered in glitter. Chronological pictures of my children pasted into bottle caps or on the back of old CDs look out in all directions. Hand painted play-dough ornaments and candy can reindeer (long past their edible date) drag the tree boughs low. The apex is adorned with a new (this year) bejeweled star made of Q-tips, sequins, Elmer's Glue and lots of gold glitter! It is a sight to behold!
Our "kid tree" is one of the many Christmas traditions that we drown ourselves in this holiday season. It's wonderful. Traditions tie us to our pasts, our heritage and give us stability for the future. The kid tree will always be there.
Our Christmas Eve is full of tradition. We enjoy our holiday feast, slip into new Christmas Eve jammies and sit together in the family room for a reading of the Nativity . It is a Holy, reverent family time that really reiterates the true "reason for the season." It is also fantastic because it comes with a special brew of Sprite and Lime Sherbet, loving named "Grinch Juice". It is my favorite part of the whole Christmas hoopla! This year, however, things were...well al little bit less traditional.
Our deviation from tradition, and ultimately the cause of our downfall happened when we served the Grinch Juice with straws. We asked the kids to get their scriptures and also our favorite Christmas DVD, entitled Luke 2 ready for our special evening. The kids opened up their scriptures and followed along, sipping their chilled green concoction as Ben read the story of the Christ child and his sacred birth.
As we closed the scriptures I reached for the remote. Luke 2, a beautiful production of the Nativity has no commentary, only music. I love it. I am always touched by the simplicity and humility that it portrays. I also love that it is only 5 minutes long...just right for my mix of babies and teens.
At this point Spencer squealed in excitment. He pulled a blanket up around him and scrunched back into the couch, obviously getting comfortable. I was honestly a little surprised at his excitment but pleased that he cared so much for the little babe in a manger.
Spencer: "Mom, can we pop popcorn for this?"
Me: "Oh, honey, this movie is only a few minutes long."
He looked at me in confusion and turned his attention to the scene of the old streets of Bethlehem.
Spencer: "What is this?"
Me: "This is Luke 2, honey. It's about baby Jesus."
Spencer: "This is NOT Luke 2. Luke 2 has Stormtroopers, Darthvader and...(pause for effect)...LUKE SKYWALKER."
In unison the teenagers both burst into peals of laughter sending sprays of Grinch Juice shooting through their straws and all over the carpet. Then Emma started laughing and spraying her own Grinch Juice, which coated the television screen with dripping globs of wet green slush. The shepherds were coated. Then Ben joined in the chaos, laughing until tears rolled down his cheeks. The sacred moment was ruined...and messy.
I will admit that it took me a long time to see the amusement in the situation...and I am sure that Spencer never did. Afterall, he went to bed disappointed, having missed out on "Luke 2". It will however, be a Christmas Eve to remember and maybe next year we will add a new tradition...Star Wars.
The kids tree is laden with popcicle stick snowflakes and pom-poms covered in glitter. Chronological pictures of my children pasted into bottle caps or on the back of old CDs look out in all directions. Hand painted play-dough ornaments and candy can reindeer (long past their edible date) drag the tree boughs low. The apex is adorned with a new (this year) bejeweled star made of Q-tips, sequins, Elmer's Glue and lots of gold glitter! It is a sight to behold!
Our "kid tree" is one of the many Christmas traditions that we drown ourselves in this holiday season. It's wonderful. Traditions tie us to our pasts, our heritage and give us stability for the future. The kid tree will always be there.
Our Christmas Eve is full of tradition. We enjoy our holiday feast, slip into new Christmas Eve jammies and sit together in the family room for a reading of the Nativity . It is a Holy, reverent family time that really reiterates the true "reason for the season." It is also fantastic because it comes with a special brew of Sprite and Lime Sherbet, loving named "Grinch Juice". It is my favorite part of the whole Christmas hoopla! This year, however, things were...well al little bit less traditional.
Our deviation from tradition, and ultimately the cause of our downfall happened when we served the Grinch Juice with straws. We asked the kids to get their scriptures and also our favorite Christmas DVD, entitled Luke 2 ready for our special evening. The kids opened up their scriptures and followed along, sipping their chilled green concoction as Ben read the story of the Christ child and his sacred birth.
As we closed the scriptures I reached for the remote. Luke 2, a beautiful production of the Nativity has no commentary, only music. I love it. I am always touched by the simplicity and humility that it portrays. I also love that it is only 5 minutes long...just right for my mix of babies and teens.
At this point Spencer squealed in excitment. He pulled a blanket up around him and scrunched back into the couch, obviously getting comfortable. I was honestly a little surprised at his excitment but pleased that he cared so much for the little babe in a manger.
Spencer: "Mom, can we pop popcorn for this?"
Me: "Oh, honey, this movie is only a few minutes long."
He looked at me in confusion and turned his attention to the scene of the old streets of Bethlehem.
Spencer: "What is this?"
Me: "This is Luke 2, honey. It's about baby Jesus."
Spencer: "This is NOT Luke 2. Luke 2 has Stormtroopers, Darthvader and...(pause for effect)...LUKE SKYWALKER."
In unison the teenagers both burst into peals of laughter sending sprays of Grinch Juice shooting through their straws and all over the carpet. Then Emma started laughing and spraying her own Grinch Juice, which coated the television screen with dripping globs of wet green slush. The shepherds were coated. Then Ben joined in the chaos, laughing until tears rolled down his cheeks. The sacred moment was ruined...and messy.
I will admit that it took me a long time to see the amusement in the situation...and I am sure that Spencer never did. Afterall, he went to bed disappointed, having missed out on "Luke 2". It will however, be a Christmas Eve to remember and maybe next year we will add a new tradition...Star Wars.
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