Testicular Contusions or Bumps In The Road!!

Being a mother of three 3 boys you would think that I have learned a bit about testicles. This is about all I know:

*they have lots of crude, rude, impolite and even hysterical (while I will never admit it) nicknames. http://alligatorwrestling.blogspot.com/2009/07/meatballs-and-cherries.html

*they get scratched a lot!

*they can "drop," especially and hopefully in infants.

*they can be "snipped" and in some worse case scenarios "removed."

*they are extraordinarily tender/ delicate/ sensitive, especially in the case of blunt force trauma.

*they are, very fortunately, absent from my own personal physique.


When my boys get hurt in their "parts" I just have to hand them ice, ibuprofen and look away while I pat their heads. Usually things are better within an hour or two. I say usually...

Last Monday, a whole week ago, my oldest "Dutch," as he now refers to himself, was kicked playing soccer. It was the kick you imagine...the gasp from the whole team, the fall to the knees and then to the side, the fetal position and whimpering. Nausea and stomach cramps immediately followed. He didn't move for 8 full minutes. All the males on the team stood uncomfortably around him unconsciously protecting their "parts" with their hands. When he did finally manage to crawl off of the field and then limp home he spent the remainder of the day slumped back on the couch with his legs spread eagle.

I gave him lots of sympathy, Motrin and ice...after all, that is really all I know to do. It is a helpless feeling...I didn't really want to look and even if he had let me, I wouldn't know what I was looking for.

The next day, while very sore and still walking "wide" he went off to school without much complaint. Wednesday morning he called me from school and begged to go to the doctor. I took him to Urgent Care. His diagnosis:

Testicular Contusion and Trauma Induced Epididymitis

(basically a bruise and an infection)

He got more Motrin and some antibiotics. The next few days he seemed to be getting better. He even played soccer on Saturday...scored four goals (GO DUTCH). He has been walking normal for the last three days. Aside from reminding him to take his antibiotics his injury has been all but forgotten in my testicle free world.

Alas, this morning Dutch rolled out of bed in misery. We went back to the Dr. and are now awaiting a testicular ultrasound. In the last few hours I have taken the opportunity to read up on testicles, especially the ailments that can be associated with testicles. Did you know:

*in the Middle Ages, men who wanted a boy sometimes had their left testicle removed. This was because people believed that the right testicle made "boy" sperm and the left made "girl" sperm. (I don't recommend this!)

*the testes work best at temperatures slightly less than core body temperature. This is presumably why the testes are located outside the body. (An obvious design flaw, as soccer was not taken into consideration.)

*testicular torsion and testicular rupture are medical emergencies, which can be caused by blunt force impact, and can lead to necrosis of the testis in as little as 30 minutes. (30 minutes? My kids historically have to wait DAYS before I get them to medical professionals!)

Your welcome!!

Anyway, I am still awaiting results from a testicular ultrasound! Dutch seems to be handling all of this rest and relaxation well. I think I will encourage school tomorrow. (He can "sit wide" as easily there as he can here.) I will let him carry an ice pack in his backpack just in case things get sore. Hee-hee!

This November be thankful for testicles, or as in my case, thankful you don't have any!!