50 Things You May Not Know About Me

1. I get butterflies when I see Ben’s name on my caller ID.
2. I sing at the top of my lungs in my van.
3. I wish I looked on the outside the way I feel on the inside.
4. I love working at the school and knowing the staff and teachers.
5. I have read the Book of Mormon 4 times…almost 5.
6. Mothering my kids has been the best thing I have EVER done, and the hardest.
7. I was in a car accident and broke the side window out with my head...no long term damage...I think.
8. I am terrible at keeping in touch with friends when they move away, but I never forget them.
9. I love mangos.
10. I have a blast body boarding with my boys.
11. I would love to parachute one day.
12. I have a secret fear of foreign travel...but I want to get over it.
13. I have eaten shark, squid and octopus and I am not a huge fan of seafood.
14. Almond Joys are my favorite candy bar.
15. Root beer is my favorite soda pop, with Strawberry Fanta a close second.
16. I don't drink caffeine.
17. My right ear has 2 piercings and my left has 4, but I only ever wear one pair of earrings now.
18. I have a really hard time talking on the phone...I need body language cues to be comfortable in a conversation.
19. I have been a 1st responder to three different car accidents, two of which changed me forever.
20. I was a terrible college student, until I had to pay for it myself and then...straight A's.
21. I had a mad crush on my History professor. He called and asked me out after the semester was over. I had just gotten married.
22. I failed Chemistry my Junior year of High School and had to take it again as a Senior.
23. In High School I lettered in Theater, Basketball (I managed the Varsity boys team, ooo-la-la), and believe it or not...Business.
24. I lived in the Pineview Apts. in Rexburg, Idaho as a Freshman and Sophomore at Ricks College.
25. When I was 17, my best friend, Tami and I drove from Longmont, Co to Colorado Springs, Co in a cherry red convertible...in bikinis...during rush hour.
26. I have cruised Main St. in Longmont, Co probably close to 400 times.
27. I have never been arrested.
28. I have never gotten a tattoo.
29. I love semi-sweet chocolate chips.
30. I want to write a book some day.
31. I have been the stage manager for many high school and community theater productions.
32. I hate to dust and mate socks.
33. When I retire I want to have chickens.
34. I don't know enough about politics...it embarrasses me...and it should.
35. Staying busy keeps me from the brink of depression.
36. I am afraid of Black Widows.
37. I love having the Elders over for dinner.
38. Sometimes I fall asleep saying my prayers.
39. I have been skinny-dipping.
40. I had to look up "got vs. gotten" to be grammatically correct.
41. I make friends easily but I often feel shy. I avoid confrontation like the plague.
42. I love musicals. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers is my favorite.
43. Bee stings make me swell HUGE.
44. I am a divorcee and I am so glad.
45. I read Twilight years before it was cool.
46. I have permanent retainers on the back of both my top and bottom teeth.
47. I love the Food Network.
48. I don't know how to do a cart-wheel.
49. I won a fire starting contest the same day that I won an archery contest.
50. I fantasize about clandestine rendezvous. (With my one and only, of course!)

Living The Dream

I walked into the kitchen today and found Spencer drinking out of a 2-liter rootbeer bottle. I scolded. He explained that his dad had given him the bottle and asked him to "kill" the remaining rootbeer. I partly apologized but still reinforced to him the yuckiness of germ sharing. He nodded his understanding and then continued to "kill" the leftovers. When he finished he handed me the bottle and walked into the front room whispering to himself, "Yeah, livin' the dream!"

Humbled

Wow, my last post was a huge pitty party.

Thanks for coming.

I am embarrassed, especially since emily, the origin of the embrace the camera idea somehow read my post. I feel like a jerk.

To Emily:
I apologize for tainting your great idea and challenge with my issues.

To the rest of you:
I apologize for spouting my insecurities all over my blog. My kids do deserve to have pictures of me. If I don't like what I look like in pictures then it is up to me to do something about that.

I will try!

When you see pictures of me on this blog please note them...they will come at a huge personal sacrifice.

Embrace The Camera?? Not On Your Life!

I just read a really great post on someone else's blog

...super cute and inspiring...

about making sure you take pictures of yourself with your kids.

"Mom's are always behind the camera...kids need/want pictures of themselves with their mothers."

I read some of the comments made by her blog followers and was inspired by the overwhelming support of the idea to photo-document not only a child's life but also a child's life with his mother, regardless of slept in velour pant suits or greasy hair.

I raised my hand in support and felt a swell of pride and community when I read about setting your camera on timer mode at least once every day this week.

I was inspired...for about 5 seconds.

It was then that I noticed that all the followers who had commented looked...well like the blogger herself...lovely. Why wouldn't you want to take pictures of yourself, in your thin bodies, perfect hair and darling clothes. Of course you can jump on that bus.

Seriously, that horrid slept in velour pant suit and greasy hair look is what I look like on a good day!

I don't want pictures of me right now...especially for my kids to look back on.

I don't want them to remember what I look like,

overweight and exhausted.

I will spend my time building solid happy memories for my children instead. Memories that after 20 years will be slightly maleable.

"Remember when we played on the Slip N' Slide for hours... and I was wearing a bikini and super tan?"

"Remember that time we did each other's nails and make up... and I was thin and had fresh highlights in my hair?"

See, I don't see anything wrong with this.

I aknowledge my selfishness and insecurities to a point but I am still photo-documenting my children's lives...have you noticed much? I just don't feel like initiating the camera's self timer at this point in my dirty clothes, stringy hair, pimple faced, chubby body life.

I can not embrace the camera!

However,

I think I may take the "embrace the camera" challenge to heart and shoot for 6 months from now. Thanks for the wake up call Emily!

Some Of My Summer Favorites!

Fish vs. Fruit

Emma and Spencer went to a fun birthday party on Saturday. When they came home they were the proud owners of seven, yes SEVEN, goldfish. Now, while I love fish...they require very little care and can be eaten in an emergency...I didn't have adequate housing for SEVEN goldfish. I emptied out my large hurricane vase that I had filled with citrus fruit on the table and added water+fish to make a new and ever changing centerpiece. It was a quick fix and let's be honest...goldfish don't last that long.

On Sunday, after Primary, Emma came bounding up to me waving a small scrap of paper in her hand.

In one seven year old breath: "I told Sister J about my new fish. I told her that we didn't have a home for them so you put them in the fruit jar. I told her that I was sad that we didn't get to have fruit anymore. She was sad too. She said kids need to eat fruit. She told me that she had a fish tank we could have so that we could have fruit again. Here is her number."

She skipped away happily.

I hate it when my kids make me feel like and, even worse, look like a delinquent parent. WE STILL HAVE FRUIT!! It's just in the fridge.

I am definitely getting the Mom of the Year Award, this year. Thanks a lot, stinkin' goldfish.

Grandma and Grandpa Dawson Come to California

This last weekend we had such a wonderful visit with Ben's parents. Even though we ran around so busy, running errands, watching soccer games and chasing kids we enjoyed their help and company. Joyce caught me up on laundry and Lowell patiently listened to the kids tell him all about their lives. We watched Michael play soccer, welcomed Jasen home from camp, had a cook out on the beach and even walked the pier during San Clemente's Ocean Festival. It was a lot of fun! Thanks Mom and Dad!! Come again!! The sooner the better!!

DISNEYLAND-2010

My wonderful Aunt Sandy and my fantabulous cousins, Jonathan and Michelle came to stay with my kids while Ben and I flew out to Colorado for the funeral. While they were here they took Emma, Spencer and Michael to Disneyland. (Jasen is still away at summer camp.) The kids had a blast. Pictures really can say a thousand words but no words can describe how much it meant to me. I didn't worry about my kids the entire time I was gone. Knowing that they were having the time of their lives made it so much easier. Thank you Sandy, Michelle, Jonathan and Frank! Thank you so much!!

Freedom Fighter

Ben brought some native Afghan head gear home from his deployment and Spencer has been wearing it around the house and the neighborhood for the last week. It scares me but Ben and Michael think it is hysterical and call him their little Freedom Fighter.

Shark Bait

Michael caught a sand shark off of the San Clemente Pier tonight. He was fishing with our ward Young Men's group and got lucky! Spencer, who got to go and hang out with his big brother and Dad, was super excited to go fishing and even more excited to touch a real shark!!

My Roller-coaster Ride

This has been a difficult week for me. If ever the phrase "roller-coaster" applied to one's emotional state, this would be the week. The highs and lows have been extreme; quick to begin and slower to end. My tears still come slowly but so does my patience. I am quick to love but equally quick to snap and bite.

Ben is home and on 12 days of leave. I am so happy. I am so lucky. I have my best friend to hold me and love and laugh with me. I have my help-mate to clean with me and drive a lot. I have a hero to hold on to in pride. I get lost in his smile and get school girl chills when his foot finds mine under the dinner table. It is wonderful.

Aaron is gone. I am so sad. I am so robbed. I miss him more than I ever have, knowing that I won't enjoy his company again in this life. I have fresh, unearthed memories. I have injured and confused children. I have sleepless nights and exhausting days. I get lost in the condolences and explanations. It is grievous.

Now weave them together and add a little bit more.

Ben is home and on 12 days of leave. Aaron is gone. I am so happy. I am so sad. I am so lucky. I have been robbed. My twelve year old is away and I miss him to aching. I have my best friend to hold me and love and laugh with me. I miss him more than I ever have, knowing that I won't enjoy his company again in this life. My teenager is walking a precarious morale line. I have my help-mate to clean with me and drive a lot. I have fresh, unearthed memories. I am overwhelmed by up and coming events like Jamboree and weddings. I have a hero to hold on to in pride. I have injured children and sleepless nights. I have logistics to sort out like art camps, soccer practices, Young Men's, soccer games, doctors appointments. I get lost in his smile and get school girl chills when his foot finds mine under the dinner table. I get lost in the condolences and explanations. It is heavy. It is wonderful. It is grievous.

I am exhausted.

And in the meantime, nothing is getting done. The laundry is piling up, the bathrooms aren't clean, there is no milk in fridge and the floor is in desperate need of the vacuum. My plants are dying and I haven't checked the mailbox in a week.

I know it won't last forever. I know I am simply suffering through the typical textbook grieving pattern. I know that I am not alone and that I am loved and that this is all apart of a greater plan. My faith is not wavering and my knowledge is sure. I am just so very tired. I am ready to get off of this roller-coaster ride.

Pictures of Aaron

Effervescent Balderdash-Aaron Lawrence Stones

My little brother, Aaron, passed away last week. It was a shock and a tragedy. He was 28 years old. Ben and I were able to attend his funeral on Monday and I was asked to give the eulogy. With the help of family, friends and my Heavenly Father I was able to put something together that I could share.



Effervescent Balderdash

When we get together as a family we like to play games. One game we love is called Balderdash. A word is chosen and then each player must create a possible definition for that word. In one of these game nights “Frilly frothy foam for fancy fair” was created. I have been thinking about those game nights…that game particularly. What if we all had to create a possible definition for Aaron. I asked my family for some single word descriptions of Aaron-words they felt defined him-and I would like to share a few of their ideas with you.

One of my mother’s definition words for Aaron is Precocious. As a small child Aaron was an escape artist. On one particular occasion Mom laid Aaron down in his crib for a nap. He settled right in and seemed to be off to sleep so she tip toed out of the room and went down to the basement to work on the laundry. Aaron had her fooled. As soon as she was gone he climbed out of his crib and made his way out the bedroom door. Mom came up to check on him a few minutes later and found the crib empty. She rushed around the house looking for him without any success. Her panicked searches finally took her to the backyard where she found Aaron dangling by his diaper, from the top of the chain link fence.

As a teenager and even an adult this characteristic changed slightly and became adventuresome. Aaron was an Eagle Scout. He caught fish with his bare hands…in a river. He could start a fire by rubbing two sticks together. He hiked the Front Range with his brothers and loved to go camping.
Whether he was pressing a transformer down into the middle of a wedding cake or luging down the hills of Boulder, Aaron has always had an amazing adventurer inside him.

Michael David had a great word description for Aaron. His word is Fun-loving. Now if you know Aaron at all then you have surely experienced his fantastic sense of humor. To be with Aaron was to be encompassed in his pranks, jokes and witty banter. And he could take a joke just as well. I remember Aaron allowing his sisters to dress him up in dresses and make up, ringlets and bows included, just for laughs. His light hearted nature didn’t only extend to jokes however. My sons recently confessed that when they were 3 and 5 years old Aaron would often sneak them into his room to have “jump on the bed” parties, because regardless of rules, all kids needed to jump on beds. He knew how to change a frown into a smile.
My sweetheart Ben remembers a Casa Bonita scone eating contest between himself, Mathew, Michael and Aaron. They ate until Brea threw up. Aaron was always ready for fun.

One of Breanne’s descriptive words for Aaron is talented. He was so very talented. Aaron was a gifted artist. He found great joy in painting and sketching. His written word was deep and moving. Mathew has spent some time in the last few days going through some of Aaron’s sketchbooks and journals. He expressed a greater appreciation and respect for his talent and called him ‘great.’ Coming from Mathew, that means a lot.

Aaron was also very gifted in music. He sung in his High School’s elite choir and he taught himself to play the guitar and banjo. I have many memories of Aaron and his guitar. Our family had a reunion at Bear Lake, Utah a few years ago. One evening we had a talent show. When it was Aaron’s turn to ‘show off’ he sat quietly on the ground, cradled his guitar and began to play. Soon, he was surrounded by all of his nieces, nephews and cousins. It is an image I won’t soon forget. Another time I was whining to Aaron about how I wanted a song with my name in it. I think this was right after Mambo #5 came out and there was “a little bit of Erica all night long.” Seriously, I’ve wanted my name to be Sara or Beth for years. He promised me that one day he would write a song just for me…and he did. Every time I saw Aaron he played me my song. It was a beautiful, rich and happy piece and while I will miss hearing it, I will never forget it. His talent has been etched into my memory.

My sister and Mathew’s wonderful wife, Andi described Aaron as genuine and accepting. Aaron was real. He was comfortable with who he was. He was quirky and silly and he never tried to change that. Even more endearing, he never tried to change anyone else. Aaron loved diversity and respected differences. He saw past physical appearances and focused on what lie beneath. He could be friends with the roughest looking characters and in the same day embrace the Bishop. I never felt judged or misunderstood by Aaron. Erica said, “Aaron had the ability to look me in the eye and make me feel like I was his soul focus, I could feel with a look that he loved me.”

Speaking of Erica, her descriptive word for Aaron was gentle. She shared an experience with me. A few years ago she and Aaron had a disagreement. They raised their voices and stormed to their separate corners, like sibling do. The fight bothered her and she decided to apologize. As she walked out of her room Aaron was standing there. He had tears in his eyes. Before she could utter a word he apologized for the fight and told her how much she meant to him.

Aaron worked at City Bark and he spent his days caring for dogs. I found a fun face-book post that described his feelings for City Bark. His status read “I just cleaned up the combined 'mess' of 20 dogs. Nearly every color of the rainbow... I still love my job!” Aaron loved working there. He loved the people he worked with and he loved the animals.

I spoke to him a few months ago about his puppy Charlotte and all the dogs he worked with. He spoke of them with love. I asked him how many times he had been bitten and he said, “Like gazillions…but they usually only bite if they are hurt, scared or confused. I don’t hold it against them.” I am telling you that I would hold it against them.

In going through some of Aaron’s things my family came across one of his performance reviews from work. It read, “Aaron has great dog handling skills. I have never seen him raise his voice to any dog for any reason. He has a way with our customers as well and they really like him. They go home knowing that he knows their dog and gives them the best care he can.”

Mat’s descriptive word for Aaron takes a little explaining. When Aaron was 4 years old he created the imaginary world of the Canafantines. I remember the song he would sing to himself, or anyone that would listen, “Canafan-tinafan-canafan-tinafan…” The Canafantines were a race of superheroes. He wore his Superman cape so much that it was ragged playing Canafantines. As Aaron grew he never forgot about his imaginary world and spent time giving the characters names and lives. Recently, Aaron asked Mat and Michael to collaborate on a book about the Canafantines. They created an outline and even added artwork to their ideas. One of the things Aaron had to teach Mat and Michael was how to create a Canafantine name. A Canafantine is named by morphing multiple positive personality traits into a single word. Mat chose his descriptive word for Aaron the same way. Aaron is charmically clevereative: a combination of charm, comical, clever and creative. . Mathew and Michael have vowed to finish Aaron’s book.

Dad’s definitive word for Aaron is effervescent. I love that. Effervescent. To me, effervescent ties all of his other definitive traits together. I imagine Aaron standing on the stage at Niwot High School after winning the Mr. Cougar honor, which was basically a popularity contest. I imagine him throwing Andrew and Mylie into the swimming pool, as they squealed in delight. I imagine his laugh and the way that people were drawn to him. He was the life of the party, even if there wasn’t a party. I imagine his outstanding performance as Dartanian, in the Three Musketeers, which by the way, I found out he only tried out for so that he could play with the swords. I envision his glow as he held his new niece Evelyn for the first time. I remember his welcoming hugs, that always felt like coming home to me. I can hear his laugh in my mind and imagine the twinkle in his eye. Aaron was effervescent.

My oldest son Michael wrote a letter that he has asked me to read.

Dear Uncle Geek,

I miss you already. Grandpa sent me a page from your journal from way back in 1997, when you were my age. I read it. You said to “stay strong or get strong.” I am making this my motto. I want you to know that.
I found a song that I know you would like. It is by Chester Bennington’s new band. The song is called Fire and it goes like this:

No need to hear your voice
Or see your face
To know that you are with me
No need to kiss your lips
Or hold your hand
To know that you can feel me
I know that you can feel me

When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me

No need to get locked up
Inside the past
I know that isn't changing
No need to let you go
Or say goodbye
I know that you'll be waiting

When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me


Uncle Aaron I love you and I will honor you by “staying strong.”
Love,
Michael Dawson, your awesomest nephew

Wow, he’s a humble kid…but seriously Michael is right. We should honor Aaron. We should honor him by incorporating his positive and definitive traits into our lives. We should strive to be gentler. We should strive to be more accepting. We should strive to be more fun-loving. We should strive to make life an adventure. We should be grateful for our talents and use them. We should be charmically clevereative. Aaron was a wonderful example to all of us.

The final definitive trait that I would like to share with you is one that I have chosen. The word I have chosen is loved. Aaron was loved. He is loved. I have been moved by the outpouring of love that my family has received via email and over face-book. I am touched by the kind gestures of friends and extending family. Thank you for loving my family. Thank you all for loving my brother.

Saying good bye is part of our human experience, it is part of our heritage. Our farewells strengthen our faith and bind us together as families. The point of our existence is to live in a way that would bring us back to live with our Heavenly Father and our family who we have left for a time. And the one thing that makes these good byes bearable to me is knowing that they are temporary. I believe I will hear Aaron play my song again. I testify of this. I thank you all again and I say these things in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

BEN IS HOME!!!

Ben is finally home!! We had the best 4th of July!!!