Effervescent Balderdash-Aaron Lawrence Stones

My little brother, Aaron, passed away last week. It was a shock and a tragedy. He was 28 years old. Ben and I were able to attend his funeral on Monday and I was asked to give the eulogy. With the help of family, friends and my Heavenly Father I was able to put something together that I could share.



Effervescent Balderdash

When we get together as a family we like to play games. One game we love is called Balderdash. A word is chosen and then each player must create a possible definition for that word. In one of these game nights “Frilly frothy foam for fancy fair” was created. I have been thinking about those game nights…that game particularly. What if we all had to create a possible definition for Aaron. I asked my family for some single word descriptions of Aaron-words they felt defined him-and I would like to share a few of their ideas with you.

One of my mother’s definition words for Aaron is Precocious. As a small child Aaron was an escape artist. On one particular occasion Mom laid Aaron down in his crib for a nap. He settled right in and seemed to be off to sleep so she tip toed out of the room and went down to the basement to work on the laundry. Aaron had her fooled. As soon as she was gone he climbed out of his crib and made his way out the bedroom door. Mom came up to check on him a few minutes later and found the crib empty. She rushed around the house looking for him without any success. Her panicked searches finally took her to the backyard where she found Aaron dangling by his diaper, from the top of the chain link fence.

As a teenager and even an adult this characteristic changed slightly and became adventuresome. Aaron was an Eagle Scout. He caught fish with his bare hands…in a river. He could start a fire by rubbing two sticks together. He hiked the Front Range with his brothers and loved to go camping.
Whether he was pressing a transformer down into the middle of a wedding cake or luging down the hills of Boulder, Aaron has always had an amazing adventurer inside him.

Michael David had a great word description for Aaron. His word is Fun-loving. Now if you know Aaron at all then you have surely experienced his fantastic sense of humor. To be with Aaron was to be encompassed in his pranks, jokes and witty banter. And he could take a joke just as well. I remember Aaron allowing his sisters to dress him up in dresses and make up, ringlets and bows included, just for laughs. His light hearted nature didn’t only extend to jokes however. My sons recently confessed that when they were 3 and 5 years old Aaron would often sneak them into his room to have “jump on the bed” parties, because regardless of rules, all kids needed to jump on beds. He knew how to change a frown into a smile.
My sweetheart Ben remembers a Casa Bonita scone eating contest between himself, Mathew, Michael and Aaron. They ate until Brea threw up. Aaron was always ready for fun.

One of Breanne’s descriptive words for Aaron is talented. He was so very talented. Aaron was a gifted artist. He found great joy in painting and sketching. His written word was deep and moving. Mathew has spent some time in the last few days going through some of Aaron’s sketchbooks and journals. He expressed a greater appreciation and respect for his talent and called him ‘great.’ Coming from Mathew, that means a lot.

Aaron was also very gifted in music. He sung in his High School’s elite choir and he taught himself to play the guitar and banjo. I have many memories of Aaron and his guitar. Our family had a reunion at Bear Lake, Utah a few years ago. One evening we had a talent show. When it was Aaron’s turn to ‘show off’ he sat quietly on the ground, cradled his guitar and began to play. Soon, he was surrounded by all of his nieces, nephews and cousins. It is an image I won’t soon forget. Another time I was whining to Aaron about how I wanted a song with my name in it. I think this was right after Mambo #5 came out and there was “a little bit of Erica all night long.” Seriously, I’ve wanted my name to be Sara or Beth for years. He promised me that one day he would write a song just for me…and he did. Every time I saw Aaron he played me my song. It was a beautiful, rich and happy piece and while I will miss hearing it, I will never forget it. His talent has been etched into my memory.

My sister and Mathew’s wonderful wife, Andi described Aaron as genuine and accepting. Aaron was real. He was comfortable with who he was. He was quirky and silly and he never tried to change that. Even more endearing, he never tried to change anyone else. Aaron loved diversity and respected differences. He saw past physical appearances and focused on what lie beneath. He could be friends with the roughest looking characters and in the same day embrace the Bishop. I never felt judged or misunderstood by Aaron. Erica said, “Aaron had the ability to look me in the eye and make me feel like I was his soul focus, I could feel with a look that he loved me.”

Speaking of Erica, her descriptive word for Aaron was gentle. She shared an experience with me. A few years ago she and Aaron had a disagreement. They raised their voices and stormed to their separate corners, like sibling do. The fight bothered her and she decided to apologize. As she walked out of her room Aaron was standing there. He had tears in his eyes. Before she could utter a word he apologized for the fight and told her how much she meant to him.

Aaron worked at City Bark and he spent his days caring for dogs. I found a fun face-book post that described his feelings for City Bark. His status read “I just cleaned up the combined 'mess' of 20 dogs. Nearly every color of the rainbow... I still love my job!” Aaron loved working there. He loved the people he worked with and he loved the animals.

I spoke to him a few months ago about his puppy Charlotte and all the dogs he worked with. He spoke of them with love. I asked him how many times he had been bitten and he said, “Like gazillions…but they usually only bite if they are hurt, scared or confused. I don’t hold it against them.” I am telling you that I would hold it against them.

In going through some of Aaron’s things my family came across one of his performance reviews from work. It read, “Aaron has great dog handling skills. I have never seen him raise his voice to any dog for any reason. He has a way with our customers as well and they really like him. They go home knowing that he knows their dog and gives them the best care he can.”

Mat’s descriptive word for Aaron takes a little explaining. When Aaron was 4 years old he created the imaginary world of the Canafantines. I remember the song he would sing to himself, or anyone that would listen, “Canafan-tinafan-canafan-tinafan…” The Canafantines were a race of superheroes. He wore his Superman cape so much that it was ragged playing Canafantines. As Aaron grew he never forgot about his imaginary world and spent time giving the characters names and lives. Recently, Aaron asked Mat and Michael to collaborate on a book about the Canafantines. They created an outline and even added artwork to their ideas. One of the things Aaron had to teach Mat and Michael was how to create a Canafantine name. A Canafantine is named by morphing multiple positive personality traits into a single word. Mat chose his descriptive word for Aaron the same way. Aaron is charmically clevereative: a combination of charm, comical, clever and creative. . Mathew and Michael have vowed to finish Aaron’s book.

Dad’s definitive word for Aaron is effervescent. I love that. Effervescent. To me, effervescent ties all of his other definitive traits together. I imagine Aaron standing on the stage at Niwot High School after winning the Mr. Cougar honor, which was basically a popularity contest. I imagine him throwing Andrew and Mylie into the swimming pool, as they squealed in delight. I imagine his laugh and the way that people were drawn to him. He was the life of the party, even if there wasn’t a party. I imagine his outstanding performance as Dartanian, in the Three Musketeers, which by the way, I found out he only tried out for so that he could play with the swords. I envision his glow as he held his new niece Evelyn for the first time. I remember his welcoming hugs, that always felt like coming home to me. I can hear his laugh in my mind and imagine the twinkle in his eye. Aaron was effervescent.

My oldest son Michael wrote a letter that he has asked me to read.

Dear Uncle Geek,

I miss you already. Grandpa sent me a page from your journal from way back in 1997, when you were my age. I read it. You said to “stay strong or get strong.” I am making this my motto. I want you to know that.
I found a song that I know you would like. It is by Chester Bennington’s new band. The song is called Fire and it goes like this:

No need to hear your voice
Or see your face
To know that you are with me
No need to kiss your lips
Or hold your hand
To know that you can feel me
I know that you can feel me

When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me
When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me

No need to get locked up
Inside the past
I know that isn't changing
No need to let you go
Or say goodbye
I know that you'll be waiting

When I look to the stars
I know just where you are
You're looking down upon me


Uncle Aaron I love you and I will honor you by “staying strong.”
Love,
Michael Dawson, your awesomest nephew

Wow, he’s a humble kid…but seriously Michael is right. We should honor Aaron. We should honor him by incorporating his positive and definitive traits into our lives. We should strive to be gentler. We should strive to be more accepting. We should strive to be more fun-loving. We should strive to make life an adventure. We should be grateful for our talents and use them. We should be charmically clevereative. Aaron was a wonderful example to all of us.

The final definitive trait that I would like to share with you is one that I have chosen. The word I have chosen is loved. Aaron was loved. He is loved. I have been moved by the outpouring of love that my family has received via email and over face-book. I am touched by the kind gestures of friends and extending family. Thank you for loving my family. Thank you all for loving my brother.

Saying good bye is part of our human experience, it is part of our heritage. Our farewells strengthen our faith and bind us together as families. The point of our existence is to live in a way that would bring us back to live with our Heavenly Father and our family who we have left for a time. And the one thing that makes these good byes bearable to me is knowing that they are temporary. I believe I will hear Aaron play my song again. I testify of this. I thank you all again and I say these things in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.